Every time I try to think of what to say in this very small space, I become too overwhelmed to even begin to explain what is going on here. The fact that I have five minutes to use both hands says that things here are already improving. For the first few days, I don't think I set Ms. Olivia down for more than five minutes- all she wanted was to eat and eat and eat and eat. Now dad is holding her for sometimes even an hour at a time, which is like a slice of heaven for a mom's tired arms.
She is a very nocturnal creature, which means that we are literally up all night long. ALL. NIGHT. I'm sure if you have a baby you understand. And then, when she does finally sleep, I just want to gaze at her because omigod, how did we make something so perfect? I just cannot believe it.
The thing is- THE thing is- I really did think she was a boy. I mean, REALLY, 100% sure. I thought so from the moment I found out I was pregnant. So when she came out and they said "You have a daughter", I just freaked out. Because how could she be a GIRL? It was amazing, and also totally overwhelming. As I lay there holding her as the doctor was still working on me, I was just staring at her and telling her how beautiful she was. And then I realized I didn't want to just tell her she was beautiful because she was a girl, so I also told her how smart and strong she was. The doctor was, I swear, laughing at me.
I always thought that if I had a daughter, I would think of her as such an extension of me. But when I look at Olivia, I see someone totally different. She has such a big life ahead of her, and it is going to be so full and happy and fun. She is exactly who we wanted.