now that i've posted about g-strings, do you think blogger will start putting up sex ads on my blog? that would be almost as good as dessert.

last night i had a dream that i was really excited to go to vegas because it would be hot (sick of winter?) and because i bought a pair of g-string underwear to wear there (i hate g-string underwear). and what in god's name would g-string underwear represent in a dream?

in a focus group twist, my absence is allowing jennifer's admittance.
so at least somebody won from that dimwit experience i suffered through.

check out jennifer's blog. she's a riot & almost as neurotic as me.

god bless kiehl's & the horse they rode in on.
not only do they give you loads of free samples every time you purchase something BUT i bought a mouisurizer there that gave me some terrible allergic reaction & they kindly returned it (no receipt) AND offered to pay for a doctor's visit for me. when i declined, they gave me free products. now that's a company that puts the care in 'customer care'.

comment, people, comment.
i live for feedback.

thank you, computer gods! the comments section is now up and running.

r.i.p. mr. rogers. i can't believe he died, the jolly old man. it's like santa claus has passed.
at least he doesn't have to worry about packing away the duct tape, now that we've been reduced to a 'yellow' level.
i'm thinking about dressing solely in the color of the current threat of terrorism. all red one day, all yellow the next. i think it makes a lovely political statement.
fyi- i tried to get the motherfuckinggoddamnpieceofshit comment section working for hours last night. apparently i'm not meant to have a comments section. anyhoo- i'll work on it more when my anger has subsided.

i'm testing my comments section.

if you think people are in favor of a war, check this out.
http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/

so in yet another act of brilliance, i ditched my class tonight to particpate in a focus group ($80 & it was on beauty products. duh.). got home & realized that the focus group is next week, which i now can't attend because i missed class THIS week & i'm out $80. i'm such a smart girl.

seriously, i do not envy the single people who cross my path. i'm such an obsessive matchmaker. poor, poor david finkle.

so now i'm thinking it's not hives on my face, but rather (gasp!) skin problems. i don't know why. is it being off birth control pills & now i have raging hormones again? please, no. or is it my new face wash or moisturizer? please, no. i spent good $ on those. why was my skin fine as a teenager & now i am plagued by pimples? it's the attack of the pimples!!!!
i look like a burn victim. it's not pretty. I HATE SKIN!

i guess email is down again.

my friend jennifer sent me a news article yesterday about this research project that had just been done that determined that people who get songs stuck in their heads have neurotic tendencies. and that the number one song that gets stuck in people's head is the Chili's "baby-back ribs" commercial. so great, ever since reading that, it's of course been stuck in my head.

today sucked so bad that my face broke out into hives. that has never happened to me before.
i think i need a lush bath to cheer my ass up. all i want to do is sit in front of the boob tube & eat frozen pizza. why am i a student?

i, like most people, email fucking constantly with my close friends. i mean, constantly, there is an email going back & forth. all hours of the day & night. and i just started wondering, why don't we use instant messenger? all the kids are doing it...

on my way to therapy today, my car totally lost it's shit. all was well & then suddenly there was no more power left- i had to turn my hazards on & cruise into the gas station. i was convinced that it was something major- i've mentioned my car before & it's clear it's not in the greatest shape- and that i couldn't afford to do anything about it & i would have to drop out of school with only 2.5 months to go, etc. turns out i was out of gas. i never overreact.
it reminded me of the time my car battery died & i got someone to help me jump it. he was trying to jump it but nothing was happenening with my car- it still wouldn't start. i realized suddenly that it was in drive instead of park. i had never had an automatic before & honestly didn't know it had to be in drive to start.
maybe i'm just not bright enough for car ownership.
phew- i found my glasses, underneath the couch. the world is clear again.

why is it that children of divorce NEVER forget their visitation schedule? it's been 15 years since mine was in effect & i can still say "first & third weekends, half of second weekends & every wednesday, SIR!" ask any adult that had divorced parents & i guarantee they will be able to tell you what their schedule was as well.

NOBODY puts baby in a corner. growl....

i saw recent pics of my grandma today. she looks like a man. and it got me wondering, how important is gender when you're 86? do we become like babies again & genders can't be differentiated by sight? perhaps gender construction is merely a temporary phase, from the time you're 12ish-80ish & then it passes. i like that notion!

i lost my glasses & fucked up my computer cord in the same day. so let's just say this day cost me around $400. which is cool, cause i've got nothing but money to spare.

why is it that everyone i know is going through major transitions at the same time? there's no safety net when everyone around you is freaking out worse than you.
anyone solid out there wanting to lend a pillar of stability?

email must be down. i haven't gotten anything in like 4 hours. it must be a system failure.

i know spring is here cause i ate my first mini-egg today. it's mini-egg season & boy, am i ready! i've been known to eat bags of mini-eggs in one sitting. i get freakish around them.

i've been having dizzy spells the last few days. it's weird, because i'm a perfectly healthy, anxiety-ridden person undergoing huge life changes who is on two types of medication, and just got off birth control pills, who recently started emdr, living in an overwhelming world with no security in sight. i mean, why would i be dizzy?

i'm taking a class called 're-defining women's security'. my boyfriend calls it 'the insecure women class'.

my neighbor has a hernia that he refuses to go to the doctor for. luckily i'm a girl & haven't had to actually see it, but if you're a boy, he's quick to flash you with it. he's had it for like 11 years and it could rupture at any time and kill him. today he is 80 so i brought him a chocolate & banana cake from my favorite bakery. he has no teeth left, so i had to go with something soft. here's my shout-out to Ray- happy 80th.

note to men:
don't call your wife 'the wife' unless i can sleep with her too.

i will not watch married by america. i will not watch married by america. i will not watch married by america.

this girl has nothing funny to say today. today she is overwhelmed by memories & stressed about work. right this moment, she does not love her life. she really loves her boyfriend and her friends, though, who are always willing to talk to her, even about the most mundane subjects. even about the most difficult ones.
maybe this girl will have something funny to say tomorrow after watching joe millionaire tonight.

MARCH FOR PEACE! and beauty products.
so is it bad that i detoured away from the peace march to go buy face wash at LUSH? i march for peace, i march for cleanliness.

gross. i was just walking out to the garage to bring the lovely beau some tea while he's hard at work & i came face-to-face with some guy sticking his finger down his throat and blowing red chunks.
in juxtaposition, a neighbor was across the street, picking up trash & sweeping the sidewalk. i heart urban life.

i've never been romantic.
i remember once when i was dating this guy, he called me some term of endearment (honey, baby, sweetie, i don't remember). what i do remember is asking him NOT to call me that & he asked how he should address me & with a straight face, i replied "bitchass".

i guess i'm still a teenager.
i'm in my late 20's & none of my friends are ever up before 10 am. isn't that strange? when do people start getting up at a normal hour?

you want fun?
try dancing in your living room to Dolly Parton's '9 to 5'. try making up a dance routine to it, where you start by lying on the couch, to empasize the beginning of the song, "stumble out of bed, and i tumble to the kitchen". JUST TRY BEING THAT BIG OF A DORK!
and call me, cause we could get together & do dance routines.

blog, schmog.
i fell asleep at 8:00 tonight. the lovely beau woke me up at 9. now, i do love to sleep but there are some things you just can't do asleep. watching west wing is one of those things & i'm proud to say i got up & viewed. it's important, you know, to keep up on your programs.
speaking of which, i thought j. millionaire would be over this week. alas, this week's epidode was a complete waste of air time & my time. this is the LAST reality tv show i'm watching (minus the dating shows my bro is a regular on). when will they end? who thought this was a good idea anyway?
on this note, the best reality tv show is one that never gets any press- it's bug juice- it airs on the disney channel during the summer. real-life adventures of kids at camp. ooooooohhhh, it's great! now i can't wait for summer.

now normally i am not a fan of valentine's day. the commodification of love actually makes me gag. plus, it's a good time to tout my feminism & claim that i refuse to be involved in a holiday that, as far as i can tell, serves to make women feel like shit. but my 4-year-old godson just told me "I wish you were my date for valentine's day". makes me want to re-think the whole goddamn thing.

Today I finally did EMDR. I tried it about 9 months ago, but was in no emotional position to begin. It's been a long and arduous path to get here, but an important lesson in getting to know myself. EMDR was amazing! I laughed out loud in relief that it actually worked. If you are a trauma sufferer, I highly recommend looking into it.

The remainder of this emotionally relieving day was spent at work, doing more & more copying. I decided to time how long it took to copy merely one bill for the year- the phone bills. One hour & 10 min., in case you were wondering. I cannot believe what a waste of my time my life can seem at moments. Alas, only a few months left of this life & everything will change once again. It's hard to believe how many times this happens in life.

Today I got in touch with an old friend that I haven't spoken with in years. She was thrilled to hear from me, which was questionable as we didn't end things in the best place. I guess there are people who are willing to forgive your early 20-something stupidity. We're getting together in a few weeks & I'm so excited to hear about the last 8 or so years of her life.

I saw 'The Hours' tonight. Please go see it- it is the ONLY movie i've ever seen that is better than the book.

Life is better with books, and I'm off to read some before i fall asleep. wish me the best of luck with my emdr session tomorrow. i'll let you know how it goes. g' night.

another saturday night & i'm about to crack open the books. my life is a thrill a minute. i did enjoy a sunny day pretending to study with ananda & jennifer, so no complaints here.

i've spent so much time lately worrying about a friend who has gotten herself into a low-down situation. i talk to her family several times a day, but am having no luck with her. it makes me so sad, because i can see her face at eight years old, and thirteen, and eighteen, and twenty-three and i'm afraid i won't see her face again.

my new theory is that cars are not supposed to be quiet. the louder the car, the tighter things are running inside.

i'm good at a positive spin.

hot dog, i love to sleep. and now that it's friday, i hope to enjoy a lot of zzz's this weekend. there's a lot of work to be done as well, so we'll see how successful i am at goal #1.

today at work i realized i had been making a big mistake about a team's name for the last year and a half. apparently, it's NOT the 'blue balls' but the 'blue bulls'. i honestly didn't know & figured it is rugby- who knows?

in case you're wondering, the usps is still hard at work. i got an envelope from them at work today & when i opened it, there was half an envelope with half a piece of paper inside, looking very much like a dog & a postman had had a run-in. the usps was kind enough to include a 'WE CARE' letter inside, letting me know that something was supposed to get to me, but didn't. alas, we figured out it was from the accountant & i rung him up to let him know. i said 'did you send us a letter on jan. 31st?' to which he replied 'yes, but i got half of it back in the mail yesterday'. apparently we got the side that had our address on it & he got the side that had his return address. damn, those folks at the usps work hard for $.37.

enjoy the sunshine.

i'm such a sucker. two of the three gentlemen i work with i don't think much of. however, one has their baby here today and one has their dog. they might as well have brought me flowers & declared their love based on the sudden display of affection i am showering them with so that i can hold the baby & play with the dog. i'm such a chick.

any-hoo, this is what i'm talking about when i say i don't have much going on in my life. i kid you not, this is really the highlight of my day (unless my lovely beau gets home tonight in time to snuggle with me).

on my mind today:

i need a new car. let me list just a few of the current issues we're contending with:

*cracked windshield

*drivers side door busted- have to get in through the passenger side

*passenger sun visor gone

*driver's seat losing cushion at an alarming rate

*hatchback leaks. many things are moldy

*seatbelt does not extend to full length- must suck in stomach while driving.

*brakes appear to be shot

*making all sorts of bizarre & scary noises while it runs

well, what can you do? she must hold on for just a few more months. will she make it? check back for details.

since i love reading other folk's blogs, i've decided to start one of my own. i can't imagine what in my life could possibly be interesting enough to write (or read) about, but maybe it's not having interesting things happen to you, but rather making the boring events sound interesting. we'll see if i have the talent to pull that one off.
also, my job is mind-numbingly boring, so it will give me something to do to kill the time (you know, before starting that big copy "project").
on my mind today:
1. i should offer to hang out with my new neighbor's dog when she's gone. they're sweeties.
2. how to curb my obsession for greek strained yogurt with honey so it can become an affordable indulgence, rather than an expensive and secret habit, where i'm scarfing down yogurt in the car immediately following purchasing.
there's a lot more on my mind, but i don't want to give it all up on the first date. until tomorrow...