sweet jesus, validation

do you remember my student that gets up while i'm teaching, physically abuses other students, refuses to acknowledge me when i speak to him, tells me his mom is going to kick my ass, does 0% of his work, and has a mother who reportedly tells him i'm racist? maybe i haven't informed my dear readers that all of this is wrapped up in one grand package of a child who seems to be determined each day to make me a little more insane.
mom has sat in on my class a few times and each time this young gentleman is on his best behavior. no talking, no getting out of his seat, just head down and doing the work. the MINUTE his mom leaves the room, he's back at it again, making me and everyone in his vicinity insane. i give him referrals on an almost daily basis because he is so disruptive that it ruins the learning of the other 35 students in the room.
so today mom came in unannounced and instead of coming and sitting in on class, she apparently just watched us for about 20 minutes through a crack in the blinds. what did she see? boy not doing his work. boy turning around and hitting the student behind him. me quietly going over to him, bending down and whispering to him (that he needed to get xy and z done). him turning his back to me while i talk to him. throwing his pencil. turned around in his seat. again, me going over to talk to him quietly and tell him to move his desk. him pushing his desk at full force against the wall and turning around laughing. i guess that's when mom had enough and came in to get him. she walked into the room and said "i have been watching this for the last 20 minutes" and his face got very frightened and all the other students went hush. it was beautiful. after school, she came and APOLOGIZED to me for not believing me and guaranteed things would be changing. she was alarmed, and the boy just sat there without a word for himself. ah, validation. it feels so good.

oh my fucking god. if you are going to work for cps (child protective services), is it too much to ask that you speak loud enough when i'm reporting TO HEAR YOU? when you MUMBLE into the phone while i am making a LEGAL FREAKIN' REPORT, i am uncomfortable talking to you. when you are REPEATING BACK what i have said, can you please say it LOUD ENOUGH TO HEAR, because this is a kid's life i am talking about. when i tell you that i can't hear you, could you just speak up a little? seriously. also, the snarky attitude is completely unnecessary in your profession. when i tell you that a child has lost 30 lbs. in three months, has not been in attendance at school in three months, is not clean, has cuts up and down her arms, and hickeys all over her neck, NO I AM NOT CALLING "JUST" TO REPORT HICKEYS. did you not hear me say she has not been at school in three months? last i checked, it is the LAW that 14-year-olds are IN SCHOOL.

the unknowing life:

today i was at brunch with s. next to us was a group of 4- two men, a woman, and a child. next to them were two other girls, who kept looking over at me. i was wearing my 'post-hip' neighborhoodie, so you can see where this is going. they clearly must recognize my blog, i'm thinking, and i hear one of them whisper "yeah, and i'm like TOTALLY staring". i didn't mind- i'm glad my wit is hitting the urban areas.
we continued eating and the group-of-four got up and left. s. turned to me, motioned to the seat the man had been sitting in and said "i love him". wow- i'm thinking- they just barely sat next to each other and as far as i could tell, weren't even playing footsie, but SHE LOVES HIM?!?! yes, she says, it's benjamin bratt. "who?" i question. "benjamin bratt- from law and order. and catwoman. and traffic." i gotta tell you, NOTHING here. even when i looked him up online, he didn't look familiar. imagine how many famous people i have seen before AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW! it's mind-boggling, really, that i have all sorts of famous people stories that I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE. i now imagine the two girls who were staring at me are probably not blogging about how cool it was to get a glimpse of posthipchick in the flesh, but rather about how cute benjamin bratt was. oh well, just another non-famous day.

moms

moms can get under your skin in >.001 seconds, sometimes less. it's proven.
i love my mom, LOVE, in a talk-at-least-daily sort of way, and we have a fabulous relationship now. the problem? she wants the best for me. THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE! and in wanting the best for me i mean she does not think i should continue teaching 1) the population that i teach and 2) the grade level that i teach. she wants me to be HAPPY and CONTENT and believes that i can not be these things and continue at my job. the thing with moms is that they believe they are the authority on EVERYTHING and therefore it's impossible to argue with them. because their stance is "i am right". my mom does not want me to have to carry all this weight, and how do i try to explain that if i don't carry it, i am afraid no one will? that girls like ghtg will just go unnoticed forever. my mom doesn't care so much about ghtg. she cares about ME and doesn't want to hear me cry anymore.

FINALLY!
an explanation for the fact that i eat pounds of butter every week, never exercise, and am still underweight.

what happens when i stay home:

call husband at work (3rd conversation of the day):

phc: hi. i have good news and bad news. which do you want?
h: hmmm. i'll start with the good news.
phc: my computer IS covered by the logicboard recall.
h: oh, that is good.
phc: ALSO, i finally found slippers.
h: great.
phc: AND, i took bella to the park.
h: all good. what's the bad news?
phc: i accidently bought LOW-FAT sour cream. i'm really upset.
h: jeez, that is awful. hang on, i need to get a kleenex (sets down phone). ok, i'm back, i'm just so upset about the sour cream.
phc: i know, i know. wait- i feel like i had more news. hang on while i think.
ENTER ABOUT A MINUTE OF SILENCE BY BOTH PARTIES
phc: OH, I KNOW! I REMEMBER! I DID THE DISHES! i knew it was more good news.
h: sure is. ok, hon, i REALLY have to go now.
pch: hmmm, is there more news...? let me think.
h: really, babe, call me back, i have to go.
pch: ok, but isn't that a lot of GOOD NEWS?
h: yeah, but i'm still working out the sour cream situation.
pch: we all are.

in all of yesterday's depression, i failed to mention that i contracted pink eye from a student. or more likely, he contracted it from me, since i'm sure i've had it for about a month now, contrary to what the doctors say. anyway, i was told i could not be at school for 24 hours, which made me whoop for joy before running out the door. nothing like a forced sick day when you don't feel sick to make you remember all the joys of life again (like sleeping in, and getting errands done, and baking). pink eye= totally worth it for a day off.

today i had a really horrific experience. an experience so horrible that i cannot yet talk about it without crying, as i did in my principal's office at brunch today, with my head on her table and her patting my back. green-haired tiara girl (ghtg) is back and i think you all need some background. ghtg was with us at the beginning of the year, off and on. i REALLY liked her and she had NO friends, so we would sometimes spend lunch together, when she was in attendance. she had this little problem of never coming to school, and her grandma, who she lived with, would lie to get her out of school. she lives with her grandma because her mom is in jail and she doesn't know her dad. anyway, it was hard to do much at first, because, of course, her absences were excused by her grandma. after weeks and months of sparce attendance, however, we called in the police, who deal with serious truancy problems. i had to write up some statements, because i had actually called her grandma and offered to pick the girl up every morning, but grandma said ghtg "wasn't comfortable with that". then ghtg just stopped showing up altogether. for about 3 months now, i've seen neither hide nor hair of her. then apparently, she showed up at the attendence office on friday, asking for an admit. slip. the principal took her into her office and somehow they worked it that she would be on a super-shortened-day schedule, where she only comes to my class. so i expected her monday, and then yesterday, but she never came. i was beginning to have doubts that we would see her again. then today, about 10 min. into 1st period, the door swings open, and in she walks. i about broke down at that point, but managed to stay calm and keep the class going. she has seriously lost about half her body weight in the last three months. she was always thin, but she is 5'7 and now weighs probably 90 lbs. her hair is partly green, partly blond, and she clearly hasn't been showering. the circles under her eyes were shocking, but not as shocking as the scars from the cutting and suicide attempts up and down her arms. she has been in and out of the psych. ward for the last three months, and i will tell you now the first thing i thought when i saw her, the most horrible thought that has passed through my head- i thought "she is not long for this world". she is the most broken person i have EVER laid eyes on, and i have been around some seriously broken people. she looks like death is knocking on her door, and she is 14 years old. i couldn't really teach- my students were in groups and i normally walk around and monitor them, but today i just kept her in the corner, away from the prying eyes of the other students, who were absolutely horrified, and sat with her. i felt as hopeless as i have ever felt, not just as a teacher, but as a human being. she is honest- telling me about her time at the hospital, and answering all of my questions with direct eye contact, and i took out my breakfast and MADE her eat something, because i honestly had fears she would keel over right there. there is not much for me to do, legally speaking, because she is being treated for her depression and the police are already involved. i guess what i can do is feed her and try to be her friend. like all teachers, there have been students i have wanted to take home before, but this kicked open something inside me that i have never felt before. i wanted to take her home and never let her out of my sight, for the rest of her life. i seriously considered just taking her right there, putting her in my car, and not letting her go, regardless of the fact that that is kidnapping. i don't know what happens to a person that could make them turn out like this- so lost and void of everything. it honestly makes my most horrible trouble-makers- the ones i want to give referrals to every single freakin' day- look like the most well-adjusted, stable, and ALIVE people i have ever seen.

tonight, posthipchick broke down and went to the dreaded, hated, corporate starbucks. not because posthipchick was looking for a cup of coffee- neh, what sort of person do you think posthipchick to be? certainly not one who drinks caffiene after 10 a.m., what with her delicate system and all?- no, posthipchick had read that the chantico drink was like drinking a candy bar, and that just sounded too good to pass up for any longer in one's life. now, after checking the fat grams in said teeny, tiny little cup-o-chocolate (not because phc gives two flying fucks about fat grams, mind you, but this is what people in suburbia do. they check fat grams online before they go to starbucks- duh!), phc discovered that what she heard was true. ounce for ounce, this little chocolate drink is actually more fattening than a big mac. to which posthipchick said, pour me another, because hot damn, that shit was GOOD.

posthipchick is here to help, and today i want to help save you some time and money. because if you are dizzy, and wake up with goopy eyes EVERY morning for six weeks, and have a headache in the exact same spot every morning for a month, AND your eyes are turning all different shades of red every day, and itch and burn, do not bother going to the doctor, friends. no, there is NOTHING wrong with you, you crazy hypocondriac, except that maybe you need a hearing test. even though you've said at least three times during the appointment that your HEARING is fine.

some of my male students had an experience with a razor this weekend. therefore, i had a gaggle of boys come to school today with all sorts of crazy haircuts, including mohawks, designs shaved into their heads, letters shaved into their head, etc. i thought they looked GREAT- very original and stand-outish- something i appreciate in an 8th grader, as most of them are trying so desparately to fit in. so i was full of compliments today to them and i think they were very surprised. the wanted to shock everyone, but i was like "wow! your hair looks so COOL." then they started telling me about their mother's reactions, which was NOT "your hair looks so COOL." i wonder if my reaction will be different when it is my own son and not a student.

a line i wasn't expecting to hear today (re: a student who is on my roll but hasn't come to school in three months. spoken by: my principal)

"so, girl is coming back to school finally today, on a shortened day schedule. she only comes to your class. i just thought i should let you know, and also let you know that she has green hair and a tiara."

just booked two tickets to nyc for feb. 19th- 24th.
i am BOUNCING OFF THE FREAKIN' WALLS!

no, seriously. are all bedskirts ruffled and grandma-y? are there "cool" bedskirts? and if not, how does one cover the box spring. advice, people, advice!

the dog behaviorist just left

yes, i do feel pathetic and middle-class getting a dog behaviorist.
but if forced to choose between that and having the house and our belongings destroyed on a regular basis, i'll just suck up my urban-liberal-educated-middle-class self and spend an hour discussing "bella's needs" (which there are quite a few of, i should add).
the good news is that the behaviorist does seem to think bella's issues can be solved. i have a list of things we need to start doing on a regular basis, which mainly involve retraining her to chew on what we want her to chew on, regardless of if we are present or not. we're at a breaking point here, having just sucked up ANOTHER $150 for a brand-new crate that she proceeded to break through. the. dog. can. break. through. welded. metal. it's a different beast we speak of here. i love it when i mention this and people say things like "do you leave her with chew toys?", as if we never thought- hmmm, maybe if we give her something it's ok to chew on, she'll chew on that. people, i cannot tell you the measures we have been through with this, including but not limited to: spraying the ENTIRE house with bitter apple, filling kongs with peanut butter and cookies, putting her on anti-anxiety meds, leaving music on, relocating her crate, leaving her rawhides, and every single toy you can possibly think of, training her slowly, not giving her attention when we come and go, giving her attention when we come and go, getting her tired, leaving her in one room... the list goes on and on. we have exhausted all our options and it was time to bring in professional help. i'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Friday Foto:



sometimes there's poetry written right on the bathroom wall

so something good happened to me today, and since i'm big on reporting all the terrible things about being a teacher, i better hop on the positive bandwagon while i still can. i have one student that i had last year and i have this year. i insisted he be moved out of rsp last year, and then i ended up also moving out of rsp, so we are together again. this year has been a terrible struggle with him- he is constantly getting out of his seat, shouting out, cursing, etc. i've been insisting for two years now that he needs to be tested for a.d.d., but while all children are thoroughly medicated in the middle-class world, latinos have no idea what i'm talking about when i say a.d.d. (which is arguably for the best). i have met with his mom at least three times this year, and the last time i really had it out with both of them. she was talking about how he doesn't do his homework- he'll just lie in front of the tv and say "i'll do it later". i came down pretty hard on her- i told her if he were my child, i would take the tv out of the house. and the video games. he does not need them, contrary to what he thinks, and he needs to put his schoolwork first. i told her i would be happy to put them in MY closet if that's what it took. then i turned to him and said "listen. we have been together for two years now and you have six months to pull it together or you won't graduate. it will BREAK MY HEART and your mother's if you don't walk across that stage. and i don't think you want to have two ladie's broken hearts on your conscious." ever since then, i have to say, i have noticed incredible improvement. i don't know if his mom actually took away his tv and video games, or if the guilt just pushed him over the edge, or if this graduation is REALLY important, but he has been noticably calmer since the meeting.
all of this sets the stage for today, after school, in my classroom. another separate student came in to talk to me about a problem she was having with another teacher. this boy who i spoke of is friends with her and came in a few minutes into our conversation.
girl: she ALWAYS picks on just me.
boy: do you think that might be because you are ALWAYS the loudest in the room?
girl: she picks on me because i'm BLACK.
boy: no she doesn't. she picks on you because you don't follow directions.
girl: that's not true. she told me to sit down and i sat down.
boy: not in your own seat. you sat down with your friends.
girl: she didn't say in MY seat.
boy: you know exactly what she meant. don't act stupid.
me (jumping up and hugging him): omigod! why do you SUDDENLY get it, boy?!?! why, after two years of me trying to explain this all to you EVERY SINGLE DAY, it finally sank in? tell me what made it sink in, i can use it with other students.
he just stood there, looking pleased with himself. and he damn well should be. he'll be graduating this spring.

Ways to ensure you will never be my favorite student:

1. Tell me your mom is going to "come and kick my ass"
2. Fart constantly in class
3. Refuse to acknowledge me when I'm talking to you
4. When I ask you to come speak with me, reply "What do I look like, your fucking dog?"
5. Tell me, over and over and over and over again how my class is "boring". Just a note to you- maybe it wouldn't be IF YOU DID ANY WORK, EVER! JUST ONE ASSIGNMENT ALL GODDAMN YEAR.

you may not know this about me, but i cannot ever manage to do ANYTHING without finding out that i already know somebody there. or i know somebody who knows somebody who is there. i know it's six degrees of separation, but in my life it is usually only two (take, for instance, the guy i was seeing when i was 20. he was a motivational speaker (gag) and went to SWITZERLAND to give a speech. the person organizing the whole event was my dad's best friend. i mean, HONESTLY!). so, not surprisingly, i'm sure, when i joined the group of women online that i was going to make friends with, another teacher at my school is ALREADY IN THE CIRCLE. people, i don't know ANYONE where we live. and yet, this.

this depresses me no end. while i'm sure many districts in this country are dealing with a similar situation, i know the kids at these schools, and i care about them. the high school my students will go to has a 40% drop-out rate. 40%! and we are going to CUT more postitions and schools. i don't understand how these things happen- perhaps due to my lack of experience- but how can everything be so terribly mismanaged and desparate? will la revolucion in education come? and when?

feeling guilty for:

- buying a lb. of butter this morning and using it ALL today
- emptying the trash this morning and having the trash can full again tonight

people, it's come to this

i have always been a bit suspicious of online "friends", i have to say. i've never been in a chatroom, never done online dating, and have only recently met blogger friends. however, the last six months in suburbia have been nothing short of BORING and LONELY and i know very few people down here. so i've been cruising craigslist the last few weeks, trying to find an "activity partner" that sounded interesting. well, i ended up finding a group of 30-something women IN MY TOWN, even, who get together for drinks, dinners, knitting parties, etc. and that actually sounds sort of fun, IN A TOTALLY FRIGHTENING SORT OF WAY. so i joined their yahoo group and, like, posted and everything. and i can't believe it's come to this, but it totally has, and maybe i will join the 21st century and make friends online. in a way, i find this COMPLETELY DEPRESSING, but not as depressing as thinking about the next year and a half of living here WITHOUT A SOCIAL LIFE.

omigod- i cannot believe i haven't mentioned this yet!

here i've been, two whole days now and i have been remiss in mentioning our purchase of a new bed. a new, beautiful slated sleigh bed, very large and adult-like for my princess self to lie on every single night (and day, as allowed). and did i mention how i came home on friday after going to kabuki AND mifune AND mitchells and got to see this new, beautiful bed picked out for AND set up by my loving husband? yeah, this is pretty much the best weekend EVER!

my mom was struck that the 8th grade english teacher in sideways is also on lexapro. apparently they stole my life a bit for the movie. or maybe ALL 8th grade english teachers are on lexapro, which wouldn't be so much of a stretch, actually.
which makes me think about the term 'english teacher'. my students know nothing of this term, and assume an english teacher is one who literally teaches ENGLISH. they now call what we knew as 'english class' 'reading and language arts' (and it is two hours). we are reading a book where the main character is in disagreement with his english teacher and my whole class was confused. why didn't this boy speak english- they wanted to know? i had to explain that somewhere along the line, 'english' as a subject has devolved into 'reading' and 'language arts'. (side note: when did this happen and why? is it just with schools that have a significant population of non-english speakers? eductators: chime in!). just goes to show you can't take ANYTHING for granted with kids.

have i mentioned this one?

yesterday, i was in the office waiting for the principal to do my review (good, phew!), and about 10 students come in wearing medical masks. i'm not sure how they got in there- whether the principal called them in, their teacher sent them, or if they came themselves. what i DO know is that their teacher was forcing them to wear the masks if they so much as sniffled- she doesn't want to get sick. now, i don't want to get sick either, but i wash my hands a lot and use disinfectent. if i was THAT paranoid, well i probably wouldn't be a teacher, but i would wear the mask myself if i was. you can't FORCE students to wear masks in class, no matter who you are.

this is made worse by the fact that this is a teacher who my students had in 6th grade and LOVED. why did they love her so much? because she let them watch TV during class and EVERY friday was 'movie day'. it's almost enough to make you believe in merit pay.

is there a word worse than crusty? i don't think so!

tomorrow we are going here and here and that might actually be more exciting than a friday nap!

internet, i have a confession to make. it's something so embarrasing i have been hesitant to tell even close friends or family members, as it shows you to what lows i have fallen, and i figured if i kept it a secret maybe it wouldn't really be happening. but now, it appears the situation has waned a bit, so i'm going to tell you all my most-top-secret secret.
since beginning teaching, i have not been able to listen to music. well, actually, i can listen to some music- country and easy listening. it's been truly horrifying, because listening to country and easy listening is so far off post-hip that i cannot even get out the scale. but it's true. the classroom is so loud and i'm so emotionally invested all day that when it comes time to get in the car, i can't bear the thought of having to think (npr) or have noisy music on or any music that doesn't just soothe. how i wish i could have turned to something uber-hip like classical, but it just didn't happen for me.
anyway, i know i've hit some sort of teaching climax, because suddenly i can listen to music again. interpol. wilco. u2. oh, how i've missed youani. and you, dar. and now, we are reunited again. thank you for listening to my deep confession, internet. you are better than a priest.

i don't think i've ever felt as bad as a teacher as i did yesterday. i have a girl student who i've been trying to get through to all year. she has been a serious behavior problem, and has a mother who asks me "what do you want me to do about it?" when i call to discuss the student's behavior. so yesterday after school, i was sort of cleaning off my desk (which has become a pile of paper, books, workbooks, etc.- no surprise, i'm sure, that i am not a "desk" teacher) and i find an envelope there. i open it up and there is a CHRISTMAS card from her and her dog to the belle and i. do you know what today is? JANUARY 12TH! she must have slipped it under there so i didn't see her give it to me, and then it got buried, and here she must have thought i ignored her. i felt like the scum of the earth- here this student is trying to communicate something to me, and i miss it completely.
today i brought her a picture of the belle covered in mud and apologized profusely for being such a messy lady.
i still feel like shit though.

if i could show you my heart today, i would hold in my hand a black item, dripping with blood.
disturbing? yes.
but not as disturbing as the note i found from a student who i absolutely cannot say enough good things about saying that her dad punches her in the jaw.

if i was a violent woman, i'd get out the baseball bats.

today my class learned about irony. when my b.o.-smelling student yelled at me "GET OUT OF MY FACE. YOU STINK!", we found it ironic. nothing like tying it back to the real world, people.

currently hating:

the fact that i thought my principal was coming to observe me on WEDNESDAY, not TODAY.

when it is a rainy sunday, and you have a little touch of the vertigo (any ailment will do), i suggest you gather the following items and head back to bed for the day:

cell phone
regular phone (you know, because so many people call you. like your mom. like five times a day.)
three books you are reading for school
three cookbooks to fantasize about what you will be eating this week
one free-read adult book, just for you!
big glass of water
laptop
dramomine (or whatever drowsy medicine fits your particular ailment)
snacks (cinnamon almonds, pop-overs, sour cream cake, etc.)
dog

thanks, kdunk!

one thing about being married- men will not sleep in these sheets.

if you were single, and needed a good reason to hold out hope for men, i would suggest you call my home voice mail and listen to my husband's sick and sexy voice announcing that we are not at home. i insisted he do this- we've been waiting months for his voice to do this just-so tone- and i offer it to you as an opportunity to become weak in the knees again. wow- gotta go now (wink, wink).

dumb dog:

when we are watching a tv program and there is a doorbell on tv, bella goes running to the door and barking and looking very perplexed.

two notes on teaching today:

1. i'm going off the scripted curriculum (this is law-breaking, my friends. i am a criminal on the run!) provided by my district and doing literature circles with my students. it's taking them awhile to learn to have discussions about literature, but today i noticed how far they have come even this week. and someone came into my classroom to observe and help (because i asked her to- i can always use advice!) and she was impressed. i'm sure she'll also have suggestions but i keep building on it a little every day and it makes me so happy to see the students working away, busy as bees (ok, not all of them are *quite* that busy, but overall it's definitely better). tomorrow they are going to create children's books about the story in their groups- it's a great opportunity for them to develop summarization skills (it's not as easy as it seems), and also for other students who do not typically do well academically to shine by doing something like drawing. i created my own sample children's book today today based on anne frank, and it was sort of fun. doing this makes me so angry and bitter that i have to use a scripted curriculum, because it is not beneficial for my students and it is not beneficial for me.
2. i gave my gay student that i talked about before a copy of rubyfruit jungle today because he loves to read and is openly interested in gay issues, and for those of you who haven't read it, it is a coming-of-age story about a young lesbian. i read it in 8th grade (not for school), and remember enjoying it, relating to it, and learning from it. i remember nothing about hard-core sex or cursing or anything taboo besides the fact that the main character discovers she's a lesbian. but after i gave it to him, everyone in his group was looking at it, fighting over it (fighting! over a book! it was ecstasy!), etc. so i went over and opened it up and the first chapter is about a young boy and girl showing each other their privates (oh my god, did i just say that? i am offically a teacher now) and i was suddenly uncomfortable. is this acceptable material? will i get in trouble? i have always believed that good literature could have cussing and sex and everything else, and if that is what interested kids, well, fine. they could get that and maybe a little something else while they READ. READING is important, irregardless of what you read. because if you are a reader, you will read enough to finally stumble upon something worthwhile, and you will realize the rest is trash and you will become one of the literate elite. i read these books when i was 13 and 14 and i seem to have turned out more or less alright, but suddenly i was filled with fear of being inappropriate. perhaps i'm just becoming paranoid because of all of the people and laws breathing down my neck, but i don't know. opinions are welcome.

pathetic:

i am completely devastated by this.

things i wish i didn't know:

* that one of my students tried to cut out another student's hickey with a knife, therefore cutting his neck. didn't. need. to. know.
* how much my students disrespect a fellow teacher. it makes me uncomfortable, but at the same time i try to help them come up with ideas to make the situation better. she is a really struggling teacher, and they don't make it easier on her. but something about knowing still makes me uncomfortable (i think because sometimes i agree with them).
* that my students have relationships with each other at all. 13-year-old sexuality is so uncomfortable that sometimes i think it makes ME uncomfortable. yikes.

all sorts of things are wacked-out, but at least i have my new neighborhoodie:

for days now, weeks really, i've been feeling on-and-off dizziness. it seems to come and go for reasons unbeknownst to me, so i just try to roll with it (you know, because i'm such a go-with-the-flow gal. HA! which incidentally, reminds me of the fact that the hubs and i were out a few months ago with a friend of mine who was 9 months pregnant. at dinner, she kept wincing with pain, but also sort of laughing through it, and afterwards the hubs commented that he was both so impressed with how well she was handling the pain- which turned out to be labor- and also made him concerned that i would not be laughing through that sort of pain. i sort of scoffed and said "you're RIGHT! i will not be laughing. who gave you the impression i was a trooper? i am NOT a trooper. i feel sorry for you already, too."). anyway, back to the point, as if i have one, the dizziness was back again last night and today it was so bad that i actually had to grab a student's shoulder during class cause i thought i was going down (her response: a nasty scowl and a shake of the shoulder. thanks!). i finally called the doctor, and everyone seems to believe i am suffering from vertigo, a dizzying but untreatable disease. AWESOME! why do i always get the totally bizarre, untreatable, and annoying diseases? anyway, the doctor told me to get someone to drive me home and lie down for about a week. a week. i became slightly hysterical at the prospect. i mean, can you imagine? neither can i, nor will i. i'm just taking some dramamine and calling it a day. i hope that the dizziness passes in time for me to enjoy my time with dahl tonight. it's my first blogger meet-up to boot.

back to life, back to reality

after very little anxious sleep last night, school finally started back up today. it was thrilling to see my students after the break- one wanted to know if he had grown at all (no).
it was an alright day- no big highs or lows. i did yell at one of my classes to quiet down, and they all went really quiet and got scared. it made me realize i haven't yelled at them in months, and that was a great feeling. i used to yell all the time, but now i just wait. and wait. and wait. still waiting.

all i can say right now is that i cannot believe school begins again tomorrow.

nothing is as done as i wanted it to be, and *surprise*, i did not finish all of my lesson planning for the remainder of the year like i had intended (or, rather, fantasized about completing). but i do know what we will be doing tomorrow, so i guess i'm still one step ahead of the game.

apparently some of the qualities i have developed as a teacher have carried over into my everyday life and cannot be left in the classroom. one of these lovely and ever-so-popular qualities is the inability to deal with loud chaos, like say at a party. instead of enjoying the party, i now feel some sadistic need to get people quiet and involved in a group activity where only one person talks at a time. this is quite a hit at any party, as you can well imagine.
"OK EVERYONE, RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU CAN HEAR ME" (raising my own hand)
people look at me strangely
"PEOPLE, LET'S PLAY A GAME"
just like my classroom, people ignore me or look at my strangely
"PEOPLE?"
at this point, usually my lovely husband will approach and let me know that everyone seems to be having a good time on their own and i do not need to run the party. i appear confused for a moment, then remember my former self that did not need to run parties and relax, at least temporarily. i expect the party invitations to roll in now.

friends and blog-readers:
i have started a new recipe/ food blog over at www.posthipchow.blogspot.com. it's going to be some recipes and food advice from yours truly. enjoy- i certainly do!