i promise not to turn this blog into a wedding blog, because my life is not now a "wedding" life.
but that being said, does anyone have any good advice for how to tell your father you're not inviting him to your wedding?

i have been a bad blogger of late, with no real excuse except that i haven't exactly been in a shucking and jiving sort of mood. probably the heat.
but here's the haps...
* the roommate found people having sex on our stairs today. fun for the whole family, as you can imagine. and to think i'm giving this up for a pool, a gym, and new wall-to-wall carpet. most days i think i'd actually prefer people having sex on my stairs. is something mentally wrong with us city-dwellers?
* 30 instructional days of school left. i might just become religious.
* and for all of you who wanted the proposal story...
the lovely beau and i took bella for a walk up on bernal hill, one of our favorite places that also has amazing views of the whole city. he said all sorts of sweet things that made me very nervous and shakey and then he asked me. he knew the answer going in, as we have been planning on getting married since around our 3rd date. sometimes it's just like that. are you all happy now?

please let it be known that posthipchick is not participating at all in the use of electricity for air-conditioners during this heat spell.
no, no. she is in a stuffy, hot, unbearable closet with sweaty 14-year-old boys. just saving the environment a little as i go....

so,
posthipchick is getting married! june 26th. and no, i'm not pregnant. just thrilled to death and downright giddy.

a message on my machine last night:
"Hi Nicole! It's Lisa, your favorite poster-making friend! My students are doing a really cute show on Thursday- I taught them "Baby Balluga" and "It's a Small World" and they are doing a GREAT job. I'd love for you to come see it over in San Lorenzo- it's at 7:00 on Thursday. If not, I'd love to catch up with you soon- I'm so busy right now getting my credential, but I want to see you. Let's chat soon!"
now this seems like a person i would know, being that my name IS nicole, and it's entirely likely i would know a kindergarden teacher getting her credential, but i have no idea who this is. i am entirely perplexed.

ugh on the day. YOU try teaching middle-schoolers who can't stop talking about the fact that it's 4-20.

bastards! my email has been down all day today.
so please leave comments today, as i am feeling ignored.

although you would think that a week of rest & relaxation would have me feeling spritely for tomorrow, alas, it is not the case.
sometime this weekend i've come down with a cold- sore throat, sneezing, stuffy nose, ETC! this is fully unacceptable, and i must run the cold back to where it came from. from where did it come? i would like to bring it back there, deliver it to its' little doorstep with a hug good-bye and 'wish you well' and be separated for good.

the last two nights have been spent out- eating and drinking and playing with friends.
today, i am exercising my meditation and relaxation skills (doesn't that sound better than sitting in bed all day?). only one more day of vacation left... i must relax now, while it's still possible.

further signs that i'm getting old and even LESS hip:
*everyone i know is pregnant. everyone.
*we are moving to the suburbs. i cannot believe it. i will have a lot more to say about this in the coming month and a half, i'm sure. it's a practical decision that will save us a fair amount of money (mostly on gas- i'm currently spending $300/ month ON GAS!), and get us closer to where we work. but oh god, are the suburbs ready for me and my pink bitches shoes?

i was locked/ into being my mother's daughter/ and i was just eating bread and water/ thinking nothing ever changes
listening to ani difranco brings me back to being 21 years old...
i remember when i first heard her on a mix tape when i was 18 and i was blown away... i had never before heard someone speak to me to poingantly before... i had never before had somebody make music out of the thoughts in my head.
hearing her gave me a sassy-ness i lacked before that time. she finally spoke to the dichotomy i, and most young women, i think, feel at that time in their lives. there was just something about her music, and her story, and her words, that obsessed me. for years, she was the mainstay of my music listening. i saw her in concert numerous times, i knew her story, i waited outside music stores when new albums came out. i'm not kidding when i say i was obsessed. now i rarely listen to her... really don't know her new music... but when i hear those old albums, i am 21 and sassy and righteous and have all of life ahead of me... all sorts of experiences, and boys, and friends, and trips, and laughter, and drunken nights, and fights, and heartaches, and politics, and options all just lay out there for the taking.
now, i know that i am only 29 and there is still all sorts of experiences and options still waiting out there for me, but being 20 is it's own beast. i have come to terms with responsible decision-making-- knowing i'll never have a first kiss again, will never live in nyc, will never wake up and not know who it is next to me. i'm happy to let all of those things be in the past, but i am so pleased i had all those experiences to look back on and know i DON'T want anymore... for the most part. being 29 is it's own beast as well, with so much behind you and still so much ahead. and all sorts of good stuff still coming... like loving someone for many years, and babies, and careers, and building a home and a family. perhaps i just need to find a new artist to obsess over to help me reflect on this time in 10 more years.

today i painted some tennis shoes sparkley pink. i'm really not sure how i feel about them yet... they look homemade- but maybe that is not bad.
i've just been DESPERATE for sparkley pink sneakers for so long and you know, they just don't make them.
i've also been very busy ironing on patches to my clothes, which i think came out better than the shoes. i'm thinking about getting into silk-screening, but am not sure how complicated it will be. anybody out there crafty like that and have some advice?

also, i am one of the bad, bad people who never finishes antibiotics.

it's spring break, 2004 here and i better get on flashing my boobs at someone!

you're not really living till YOUR phone rings at 10:00 at night with the caller id reading... BREAKOUT PRISON.

and you know who it is.

a photo of my fat lip.
this is actually not that bad. i have more gory photos, but out of irrational fears that an ex-boyfriend or high school classmate reads my blog, i opted for one that still flattering. i know, i know.

in keeping with my jewish heritage, tonight ananda & i celebrated passover. we changed up the menu a bit, but the theme was still there.
wasabi= bitter vegetable
raw tuna= gefiltefish
rice= unleavened bread
saki= salted water
no bones, but i can live with that.

something of a fog has come over me.
i am feeling sort of scared, sort of lonely, sort of old, sort of tired, sort of hurt, sort of overwhelmed, sort of underwhelmed, sort of like i'm waiting for something.
i've been like this all weekend, without explanantion. perhaps it's because i know there are changes coming, and i sort of love change, and sort of hate it. could i be any more precise with my language?
the bottom line is- i don't know what brought on this mood, but i do believe that when moods come, it is best not to fight them. sometimes you have to sit around and be really depressed and confused for the depression and confusion to lift. maybe this doesn't work for everyone, but i've found if i try to keep it away, i usually end up doing really self-destructive things, so better to just sit and let it pass. it always does.
soon i will be back to my old bitter, cynical self. just wait...

tonight ended, once again, at the local emergency room (4th time- between the lovely beau & i- in the 2 years we've lived here).
bella got too excited about company coming over and squirmed around while i was trying to hold her. her hard-ass head came up and knocked my lip into my teeth, causing much pain and blood.
about 2 hours after the incident, being unable to brush my teeth or eat, i decided it was once again time for a visit to st. luke's.
stitches on the lip (pretty), a tetnus shot (sore arm), another perscription (hope it helps with the abcesses for a bonus!) and we're back home. just to let you know, i was VERY, VERY brave.

i think the abcesses are back.