i really don't eat rice krispie treats enough.

where's the "priceless" part of having a dog? because so far we've spent:
$200 (at least) on a new couch
$150 on a down comforter
$100 on the comforter cover
$79 on the computer cord
$100 on treats to get her to stop chewing everything we own
i'm SO ready for priceless...

IF I RAN THE WORLD
it would be totally acceptable to call into work "moody" like you do "sick".

so, why don't YOU comment?

during the interim between roommates, we have no dsl at home. i suddenly have buckets of free time. and i still don't have time to get my homework done....

am i the only one who thinks it's valid that i now need a "dog-walking wardrobe"?

i am madly in love with our new german shepard- lab mix, bella.
she does so many wonderful things that i could turn this blog into an I LOVE BELLA, I'M A DOG PERSON NOW blog.
it's weird, having been a cat person all my life, to make the switch to a dog.
it's a really great way to meet people, too. listen, single folks, get yourself a dog & take it for walks. you will meet EVERYONE who crosses your path. i always thought it was a myth, but boy was i wrong.

Dear Spring,

I hope this letter finds you well. I haven't heard from you in awhile and I just wanted to let you know I miss you. Your brother, Winter, keeps stopping in to say hello, but it's you that I want to see. He is really no replacement. His attitude is just a little darker, and he cries all the time. It's not that I can't handle it- I can- it's just that he came in for a weekend visit six months ago and hasn't left since. You are such an easy houseguest, that it's hard not to draw comparisons. He makes me wear all these clothes, and never lets me turn on the lights. You- you are such an easy houseguest. You're comfortable if I want to run around wearing next to nothing, and you keep the house so well-lit.
Well, anyway Spring, just wanted to tell you that I'd love it if you could swing by sometime. Winter promises he'll leave when you arrive, so you can take the spare bedroom. Hope to see you soon.
Love, Nicole

let the record show...

...that i started this blog in the hopes of being witty & funny & cynical. but then all sorts of sad shit started happening & now i feel like it's become some outlet for my emotions.
i'm going to work on changing back to door #1.

there is a good chance that this weekend will end & i will be the proud owner of a brand new car, and a dog.
whoever can say RESPONSIBILITY the fastest wins...

walking by a school today, one of the kids threw their ball out of the gate.
"mister", they yelled at me, "can you get the ball?"

now, having blogged just yesterday about how long my hair is, i really don't know why i had to respond with "i'm not a mister". which sent them all into hysteria. no, but really, i'm not a man.

there are reasons girls like me should not have long hair:
yesterday, my boss had to pick crumbs out of it. want to talk about awkward?

someone brought me clotted cream fudge from england. sounded good- tastes like shit spun with sugar.
so i'm here at a shitty job, with embarrasing heart socks on (under my boots- you couldn't see unless i was rushed to the er), eating crappy candy that i don't like.
not my day.

i have 33 working days of my crap-ass job left.
it is really 33 too many.

what i want (the waa list):
1. a dog
2. to make more than $1200/ month
3. not to spend 1/3 of that on therapy
4. not to have a paper due tuesday
5. fuck, to be done with school
6. a new wardrobe
7. more space
8. body products (a few coming tomorrow, thank god, via jennifer's trip to canada)
9. a little inspiration
10. a new goddamn car
11. to figure out the great mystery of why my hair and nails grow faster on the right side of my body
12. to feel like any of the 10 projects that need doing in the next month were done already
13. a stomach that could deal just a little
14. no more back pain
15. clear skin
16. i want my grandpa back. waaaa. boooo. i want this heavy weight of grief lifted. but i don't want to forget a single thing & somehow i think the grief and the memories go hand in hand.

making beets is messy.
however, the juice is very good as a lipstick/ blush. i went ahead and rubbed it all over. why don't they market this?

the truly bizarre aspect of losing someone you love is that you get on with your life & go about your daily business and then *bam*, suddenly you realize that that person is no longer here & you feel like you could fall over in pain. and then you keep on moving on.

i had one goal yesterday afternoon: not to fall asleep.
guess who woke up at 8:00 at night, after a 3-hour nap?
goals, schmoals.

let the record show that i have yet to see a wedding dress that i would ever wear.
and the thought of a veil makes me want to throw my head & 'nay' (or 'neigh'?) like a horse.

in an effort to appear more feminine, professional, and just generally cute, i decided to forgo the lip balm that i always wear and wear real, live lip gloss. nothing too bright or noticable, mind you, but lip gloss REGARDLESS (note: ran out of lip balm. too lazy to get to store.).
you know what? it sucks. i want to moisturize those lips, not make them weird & sticky. is there a way to get it all? moisture and gloss and color?
i have serious doubts that i do well at girly activities and it's getting worse in my old age.

i go to an all-women's college. however, we do get the occasional male grad student in a class & i've been cursed twice now with one particular male student who has acquired the nickname "creepy guy", based on the fact that he's a mysoginist pig who stares at girl's boobs & makes inane, off-topic comments whenever he speaks, which is not too often. he mostly walks into classes late, acting like he's the center of the universe, and sits sullenly in the back of the room. but today, while discussing Song of Solomon in class, he chose to grace us with his voice. we were briefly talking about a part in the book where a ghost visits a character while he's sleeping, and creepy guy raises his hand. he then proceeds to tell us about a friend of his who apparently also sneaks into people's houses & sits at the side of their beds, getting off, although it's "ruined if they wake up". when i called attention to the illegality of this, as well as the sheer freakiness of it, he replied, defensively that it was "kind of like having sex with corpses". dude? that is not ok either.

i am officially "zit girl". it is so not a party.

can we talk briefly about how much i want a dog?
i do think i'm ready, and with the lovely beau around, we could certainly give the little doggie all the love & attention it would need. being post-hip & all, it's not as if we're off galivanting till wee hours or anything.
so now i browse the humane society websites (hi rosie, woof!), like i used to browse the personals & blogs. it's not an official addiction yet, but i'm getting scared.

most people don't get the chance to stand in the middle of the freeway as traffic rushes by in the middle of the afternoon. but most people also don't get three flat tires in a month. i guess i'm not most people.

books, papers, reading, presentations. the list is endless.
only four weeks of school left & i am having doubts that i'll make it through.

so sick of bad news. where is the good news? where is the fun? somebody, give me something good.

i almost canceled therapy tomorrow because i am SO not in the mood to speak. if you know me, you know that's a bad sign. but i figured, um, that is kind of the point of therapy, so we'll see how it goes.

i wish i had something happy to post for a change, but the mood here is bleak. my grandpa passed away today. i could go on & on, but don't think i will.
i will say this, though. he hasn't been able to speak for about a week now. but i call and the nurses hold the phone to his ear & i get to tell him everything i want. mostly i just tell him i love him. the nurses say when i talk to him, he moves his mouth like he wants to talk to me, and his hands move. even though i was running late this morning, i called & just told him i loved him & told him what i was going to do today & told him about the dogs downstairs and the weather and how i threw up when i went sailing and how he's the best grandpa ever. and that i knew he loved me too, so he didn't have to say anything. i'm glad i called.