twice today people have had to wipe kleenex off my eyes because i can't keep it together. this day might just take the cake as the worst ever.

i went sailing today. i threw up twice then promptly fell asleep on the floor of the boat. i got sunburned. i think it was a good day.

i love old friends
because they send you messages like this when you haven't talked to them in years.

(from said friend) So, last week I got in a car accident (the other
person's fault) and it has completely destroyed my
car.  It has been over a week and the insurance
company has still not even sent out an estimator for
the damage.  In any other city in the world not having
a car for over a week would not be that big of a deal,
but as you know, living in Southern Cal, it makes life
nearly impossible.  So, yesterday on the phone with
the insurance company, I finally snapped. I think that
everything over the last year (or my entire
life)caught up with me, at work, and it was not
pretty.  Needless to say I was sent to the doctor who
promptly put me on Zoloft and made me an appt with a
therapist.  I am the first person at work today, and a
little on the embarrassed side after yesterday's
little episode.  I just felt the need to share this oh
so embarrassing moment in my life with someone who I
know can relate, and be able to laugh at it with me
(since everyone else is walking around me on egg
shells).

thank you to all the news people who let us know every day how much the protests are costing the city. let me ask you this- what is the cost of not protesting? quantify that, please. it's difficult to find sympathy for that $500,000 per day price tag when the war is costing us, ahem, 76 BILLION dollars for the next 6 months. hello? is anybody home?

i am learning that girls with long hair need a brush. who knew?

warning. this is a depressing post. if you do not want to hear the 'woe is me' post, please do not read any further
so i am the first woman in my family to graduate college EVER. i went back to school when i was 25, which nobody ever thought i would/ could do. i've been working my ass off for the last three years, being poor, and all the usual plights of students. i've had many images flash through my mind as i was trolling away about the day i would walk across the stage & get that diploma. and now, the day is only six weeks away. it's hard to believe.
so, i have also gotten accepted into Teach for America next year. There are a million things I have to do to prepare- including taking a bunch of tests. so i discovered today that one of the mandatory tests i have to take is on THE DAY OF MY GRADUATION. and i'm going to have to miss my own graduation. and i'm trying to be as adult as possible about it, and realize that it's only a ceremony, and i will still have graduated, but i have to admit i am really fucking sad. i've really thought a lot about this day & have been excited about it for years. i told the lovely beau he was going to have to make a diploma & present it to me in the kitchen.. maybe we'll stand on chairs to make it seem like a stage. i'm sure i'll get over it one day, but right now it just sucks ass & makes me want to take to bed with my sad little self for a few days. sad me.

some people are able to say "fuck it". i am not one of those people.

i didn't want to say anything until it was definite (you never know what could happen in the middle of the night), but i only took one shower yesterday. everyone stay calm.

how much i love & hate women's magazines
it seems like all women's magazines these days are in a competition to be as feminist as possible, without offending anyone who doesn't claim to be a feminist. they all tout their feminism (because they (gasp!) swear, or promote knitting as a way to re-claim feminism). oh, you go. jane & bitch have this ongoing rally every month where bitch says something nasty about jane, and then jane acknowledges it in the next issue. um, girls? let's try to get OUT of gender patterns here.
and now i just HAVE to read them all to keep up on how much i hate them. i have a hard life.

other people make their hair flip at the bottom & it looks cute.
i do it & i look like donna from 90210, circa 1995.

i called my grandpa earlier & they said he was in an activity.
when i reached him later & asked about the activity, he said they sent him to tiujuana to be a porn star. when i asked how that was, he replied "it was hard work!"
well, at least i got a laugh.

so an apache helicopter went down in iraq. i do wonder how the apache people feel about the fact that their tribe name is being used for a war helicopter.
you never hear of any war instruments called 'jewish', do you now?

my roommate came home today & told us he is getting married in december. i swear i must have sounded just like long duck dong in sixteen candles- "MARRIED?" i've lived with him for more than two years now & i didn't even know he was seeing someone. um, ok.
note: this is the same man who, when i hadn't seen him in awhile & asked where he'd been, he said "thailand".

i do wonder how many mental illnesses i COULD be diagnosed with.

i'm totally in love with the words from tori amos' song, taxi ride
"this thing you call love, she smiles way too much"
how many times have i wanted to say THAT?

here's an idea- if the cost of the protests in sf are costing the city $500,000 per day, maybe the city & the protesters could come together & agree not to protest if the city agrees to use that money to send much needed food & supplies to the people of iraq. imagine the difference that money would make to the people there! i'm no politician or economist, but i think that's a fucking grand idea. everyone would be happy.

sorry to say, boys, but cologne fucking reeks. it is not emitting any pheromones & attracting the ladies. why do you have to go & ruin the good air like that? i'd honestly rather smell b.o.

two of today's mysteries:
1. how come good smelling soap turns so rancid smelling after it falls into its' little soap dish?
2. why do hardwood floors get so dusty so quickly? what is that dust exactly?

in case you haven't heard or experienced it first-hand, there are some serious protests going on in san francisco, disrupting downtown business and getting violent on the part of the protesters & the police. it doesn't seem to be going anywhere good. and, while i support protesting & have been to all of the big sf ones, i have a problem with interupting people's work days. it seems to me that if you are able to be there in the first place, you're coming from a place of privilege that allows you to not have to work or not worry that you'll lose your job if you don't show up.
i believe in the ends in this case, but not the means.

what the hell sort of name is 'stone'? can you imagine naming your child 'rock' (if he's not a wrestler)?

i SO wish i could be one of those girls who accepted their hair the way it is, instead of always going nuts trying to make it into something it's not...

i am entirely convinced that EVERYONE is more organized, more together & more motivated than me. why is that?

what is it with dogs?
you take them on the exact same walk three times every single day & they still smell around like this is the most exciting place they've ever been & they must sniff everything there (even though they just did the same thing 6 hours ago). do the smells actually change that much?

i think i need to get out a bit more so i have something to blog about.

maybe it takes me awhile

walking down the street with the lovely beau the other day, i was excited to be out. feeling frisky, i turned to him & said "this is great. we're young, we're single, we're out enjoying the city."
his (very valid) response: "except we're not single".
whoops!

as if today isn't already terrible enough, with a senseless war coming soon to a theater near you, my in box was barraged with messages entitled "tragedy" & "the death of amanda davis". one of the profs in my department was killed in a plane crash on friday. she was 32. though i did not know her personally, only by sight (my school has 800 students), i am still saddened by the event. mcsweeney's has dedicated their site to her, if you'd like to read about her life.

read about amanda

maybe america is so addicted to reality tv shows because real life is turning out to be more like fiction.

i met kristy about six years ago. i was a righteous 22-year-old who thought she knew everything. kristy began working at my place of employment. when my boss questioned me on my opinion about her, my exact quote was "maybe i'd like her if i liked sorority girls" (you must imagine the attitude that went along with such a statement. god, i was gross). needless to say (as my life has this ponderous way of kicking my ass EVERY time i make absolutes), kristy has gone on to become one of the greatest friends i've had & has walked with me down some of the most difficult periods of my life with sage advice, a smart-aleck attitude & the ability to both drink everyone under the table (she weighs MAYBE 110 lbs.) and stay partying longer than anyone i know.
so why do i bring up kristy now? because while, upon first impression, the blog might currently come across as someone you might not want to associate with, give it a chance. we're having problems on this end, but being that i just realized i live mere blocks from the blogger headquarters, i think we'll figure it out.
xoxo

ok, and now comments are disabled. i am really angry now.

sorry, kids, that my blog looks like shit right now. i'm trying to work it out but may have decided that i'm just not bright enough to have blogger*pro, or that i really don't have the time/ energy to learn how to figure it out. i can seem the goddamn pic in my post, it was up earlier, and now nothing.
i'll be back later to deal, but i must go deal with real life now.

recommendation:
magic wiccy muscle massage bar by LUSH.
it will make you tingley all over & smells up your entire apartment of cloves and cinnamon. all for $6.95 (and that's canadian- something like US$4.50).
get it now.

can anybody help me with blogger upgrades? i upgraded (note: see photos at posthipchickphotos.) but am now having issues doing anything more than uploading a photo directly to the blog. please send help- i've already smoked too much this morning.
for some reason, i can only add photos to this site, not the photos site. so i'll add this temporarily, to take full advantage of my upgrade, and move it when i finally sort all of this shit out. i'm super-bitter girl right now.

what i hate about being an adult:
1. no matter how much i get done, there's still more to do.
2. bills
3. that no matter what it is that needs to get done, i have to be the one to do it.
4. having to think about what's for dinner every single night.
5. grocery shopping
6. who doesn't want company at a doctor's appointment?
7. feeling guilty about smoking

one of my favorite fun facts about the lovely beau: he actually knows what i'm talking about if i reference 'we must, we must, we must increase our bust'.
who wouldn't love him?

sorry, but i'm really over this 80's style thing that's going on (hence, the POST-hip). i guess cause i lived through it once already & don't need to do it again.
anyway, it looks like more than just the style is coming back- there's a brand-new billboard on the freeway for JAZZERCISE. oy, not THAT again. my thighs hurt just thinking about it.

i will always feel like i missed out on something if i never live in ny. i wonder if people from the e. coast feel the same about california.

my grandma hasn't a clue who i am. my grandpa had a stroke, after a million other health problems.
i feel like i'm losing an entire generation of my family, so quickly.
there aren't even words.

my grandpa is in the hospital again. for those of you who know me, you'll know how hard that is. for those who don't, let's just say he's a special guy.
they don't know what's wrong with him - besides the previously diagnosed prostate cancer, diabetes, legal blindness, hard of hearing, old age, etc.- but i was told by my step-grandma that he could barely talk and was lying almost comatose. so i called, because what else can you do? when i asked him how he was, he said "mawvewous" & told me he sounded like humphrey bogart. how's that for a sense of humor? the man constantly amazes me with his positive attitude. when he was put in a nursing home, he was at first upset, but acclimated quickly and went on to become the bingo AND trivial pursuit champion of the home. i hope when i grow up, i will have half his spunk. think good thoughts. love to grandpa.

i think i win the argument about who's the biggest control freak. my therapist actually applauds my drinking or recreational drug use (of which there has been exactly one incident in the last 15 years), because it means i'm letting go of my control issues. BEAT THAT! she actually claps for me.
i thought of this because today i didn't make the bed before i left the house. EVEN THOUGH i had plenty of time, i just let it go & didn't even think about it all day. i think i'm making progress.

the lovely beau calls me a bladdict (addicted to blogs). i guess that makes him a scrabddict (addicted to online scrabble, though i must say kudos to his recovery on that addiction). and considering last night's turn of events, i must say i agree. i was desperately trying to stay awake while reading this great blog in bed (thank you, little wireless laptop). my eyes were shutting, i kept falling asleep & then jolting awake to read a little more. it's a sure sign of a serious problem.

today i am reminded that anti-depressents don't actually keep you from being depressed. which is pretty depressing. i am sensing a theme.

today fucking sucks. does anyone have $3400 so i can finish college & become a teacher next year? if so, please send help : (

you meet a girl at a party. you talk to her for about 1/2 hour. you have a good conversation. she gets your email address from the hostess of the party & emails you a few days later, inviting you to her boyfriend's birthday party. you can't make it. she emails you again a month later, asking you to come to chrismas eve dinner. you will be out of town. she emails you again a few weeks later- she wants to set you up with somebody. you agree and go out. turns out she's never even met the woman before. she emails you again the morning after the date, asking how it went. you respond that the woman was nice, but it felt more like friends. she emails you back "I WILL KEEP SEARCHING FOR MS. RIGHT FOR YOU!!!" she finally meets the girl she set you up with this morning at a brunch. with 5 people who don't know you, and 2 who barely do, you are discussed for hours on end. you are blamed for things you didn't do, credited for stances you may not even have. you are disected and each of your imagined parts are viewed under a microscope by all these people who, as a group, have met you for a total of 2.5 hours at most.
this is happening to each of us at any given moment. it's the david finkel in all of us.

do you people have something against poor little comments? they get sad when nobody pays attention to them. poor little comments. so lonely.

the advertising on my tampon box is 'as extraordinary as you are'. the TAMPON is? how offensive is that? i don't think i have illusions of grandeur, but i sort of took for granted that i was a little above a tampon. i guess not, based on their brilliant ad campaign.

i've identified with goats ever since i spent a weekend at a goat farm a few years ago. they are truly the most misunderstood animal. everyone THINKS they're farm animals, but they really want to be house pets. just like yours truly.

i deleted this 'post about me', cause no one seemed to care (guessing that most people who read my blog got the email). so alas, next time you were going to reference that to, say, buy me a scent or ask me to a movie, you're just gonna have to call.

a piece of advice for those of us bent over computer screens all day & all night (aka: nicole's version of exercise):
when your back & neck start getting too painful for your delicate self to bear anymore, i recommend lying on the floor on a tennis ball & rolling it around your pressure points. The unfortunate aspect of this exercise is that your pressure points, by the time you concede need such attention, are very sensitive & the tennis ball hurts like a mother-fucker. let me explain this: like a mother-fucker. it is unbearably painful. do not be surprised if you involuntarily yelp out in pain. but, like most unbearably painful experiences, it actually works to release the tension & PRESTO- your back is free again. you feel young & agile & ready to face the world, not scrunched over like a little old lady anymore.

my mother told me recently how important doing my kegel exercises is (apparently for prolonged bladder control as you age). she said as a reminder, i should put a post-it in my car "DO KEGELS". go, mom! i'm sure the lovely beau appreciates your insight.

it really, really sucks when people at work think it's ok to treat you like shit because you quit. and you, with your integrity, keep doing a good job & they just act like assholes. grrr.

nobody understands blogs.

the next time somebody tries to use that "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" analogy on you, you might politely remind them that you are not a farm animal. at least, not the last time you checked.
moo.

it is bee-uuu-tiful out here in california today. it's supposed to hit 60 & there's not a cloud in the sky. you can really feel spring in the air, and it seems to be helping my depression a bit not to be bound up in coats & hats & scarves all the time. i know, we don't know anything about "real" winter out here, but i tell you, when that wind gets a' whippin off the water & it rains for days on end, life is pretty miserable.
plus, the downside to all of this "temperate" weather is there is usually about 3 days a year when you can wear only a tank top outside. "winter" coats take on a whole new meaning when they're worn year-round.

have i mentioned how much i despise long fingernails (regardless of gender) on all people?
that's the most interesting thing i have to say today. but i really do feel strongly about them.

no really, if you want to laugh until you can't breathe, you really need to get amy's answering machine.

tonight's news story:
drew barrymore sculpted out of meat.
it's cutting edge news, man.

this whole internet thing has really brought out my voyeuristic side. first, it was a major addiction to personal ads (which was tough to explain to the lovely beau), and now it's on to blogs. there's something about peeking into other people's lives that does something for me.
why are all the best bloggers in NY? my regular (ok, obsessive) checks go to morethandonuts, pinkynicejuice, agirlnamedbob. it's making me long for nyc.
shout out if you're a san francisco blogger. hey, we're witty & edgy too.

It is really all I can do today to not crawl in bed with some ice cream & then sleep until tomorrow.

no big surprise, i guess, that i didn't pass the hipster test.

oy. my financial woes are really getting the best of me today.

new reality tv series: FIND THIS POST-HIP COUPLE A REPLACMENT
background: we got 'set-up' with our dear friends nick & jennifer by another mutual couple who none of us ever see now. we have a sneaking suspicion that we were set-up so couple #3 could stop being harrased by all of our requests to hang out.
but now, sweet jesus, nick & jennifer are both moving in august (i mean, kudos to both of them, i guess). we will be couple-friendless. don't you think fox should do a special reality tv series finding us another couple? nick & jennifer have already been warned that they must successfully find us friends prior to their departure. but if fox got involved, we might find some intelligent folks like evan & zora. please send your requests to fox to get behind this very intriguing project.

you know you're post-hip when your saturday night is made because you got a veggie burger AND curly fries AND the osbournes is on at 8. need i say more?

omigod. i sound like my mother.
do you know where i learned to spell oh my god 'omigod'. sweet valley high books. i need to lose that spelling & welcome myself into adulthood.

audblog audio post

i can spot a girl scout cookie from a mile away.
last night, walking to dinner, i passed a girl scout & her wagon full of cookies. i couldn't let her pass without buying a box and finding out where she'll be selling from in the next few weeks. so then my dinner partner & i cruised around with boxes of girl scout cookies in our arms last night. surprisingly, nobody asked us for any.